Sunday, August 7, 2011

Things That Can’t Be Done

Shoes cannot manage the writing of a regular newspaper                        column; deadlines
Deter them and literacy is not their strong point.  Equally, W. F.           Deedes would not have been
Mao’s choice of footwear, either for a short walk or the long                  march.  You can’t make an omelette
Simply by breaking cheese (nor eggs for that matter).  Curd

Cannot tell the time; sneakers are unsuitable receptacles for old         women and you will find
Neither the Malva neglecta nor any Mukluk in the cylinder head          of a new Mercedes Benz.
Galoshes and cheddar will not fix keyboard problems on any               computer running Windows XP
(Or Vista) and Doc Martens are as effective as half a pound of              Lancashire Mild in winning

The War On Terror.  Wolverine work boots will not play video           cassettes and I’m ashamed to admit
Defeat when it comes to foreplay with Gouda.  Clogs, with or               without
Stilton, cannot eat dogs – and the same can be said for Stilton,             with or without clogs.
And the deaf?  They can’t hear a thing.



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