Frances Beasley and her husband, Jim,
Saying, “Not so fast, you blighter, I’ll have that, thank you very much!”
Were extremely poor and needy. She was needier than him,
Having only one arm and no ears,
Which had been cut off by a ventriloquist with a pair of shears.
Like many others in similar situations, they lived bleak
And unpleasant lives, and were vulnerable and weak.
David Hardcastle set up a charity, supposedly to provide succour
For these people, amassing large amounts of tucker
And – this is what the made the splash
In The Observer – considerable quantities of cash.
“Look what I’ve got for you, Mrs Beasley,” he’d tease,
Showing her fifty-pound notes and the most succulent pease
Pudding with faggots ever to be seen on show.
“Ooh, can I eat it now?” she begged. He laughed and said, “No.”
“And you can’t have the money neither, you old bag,” he grinned,
“It’s going towards a holiday for me in that Spanish resort which is twinned
“With Walton-on-the-Naze, you know the place.”
And there was such a terrible look of disappointment on Mrs Beasley’s face.
“Could I just have a glass of water, please?” begged Mrs Beasley’s aunt.
Hardcastle looked down at her, kneed her in the groin and said, “No, you can’t!”
Mr Beasley’s grandfather was starving and sorely craved a crumb
Saying, “Not so fast, you blighter, I’ll have that, thank you very much!”And grabbed a stale loaf from the dustbin and held it between forefinger and thumb
But Hardcastle snatched it from him and kicked away his crutch,Saying, “Not so fast, you blighter, I’ll have that, thank you very much!”
And so in the due course of time, Hardcastle grew rich and fat,
The Beasleys groaned and spluttered, cramped inside a pauper’s flat
Which – Hardcastle announced in The Washington Post – he was bent on
Steadily over the coming months increasing the exorbitant rent on.
Other men have been just as dastardly as Dave
But few have killed a whole family and danced upon their grave.
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