The Seven Most Dangerous People In The World

Part I: The People He Isn’t

There was Edgar from The Netherlands,

Whose truly dreadful deeds

Included earnest pillage

And the massacre of the Swedes,

Not forgetting Ms Guðmundsdóttir,

Commonly known as Björk,

Who divers times defrauded

The Lords Spiritual of York;

And Mr Pym of Ludlow,

Whose only saving grace

Was frying his victims in the dark

So they never saw his face.

As for Gilda Harrison,

’Tis said she had the gall

Not only to rob Peter

But also to burgle Paul;

While Charlie Chin, the chemist,

Contrived a cunning plan

To pour acid over Douglas

And dissolve the Isle of Man.

Sue Barlow had a novel way

To reward those who’d been toiling;

She took them out in a pea-green boat

And drowndéd the whole boiling.

But compared to ’orrible Auric,

They pale against his prime –

Being merely minor miscreants

In the pantheon of crime.

Part 2: The Man Himself - Then

Dangerous?  I’d say so!

For even Danger cringes

When Auric puts his boots on

And begins his bullion binges.

He’s appalling at gin rummy,

He has no sense of fairness,

And, though gauche in his golfing gear,

Betrays no self-awareness.

According to his sister,

The gorgeous gamine, Gretel,

He’s absolutely potty

About dense and ductile metal;

So palpably potty,

So far out of his box,

The dunderheaded duffer

Plans to break into Fort Knox!

Part 3: The Same Man - Now

Who took the steps to stop this loon

From whom all sense absconded?

Why, Madam, since you care to ask,

The answer is: James Bond did.

Alas, poor Auric, you no longer

Strut great history’s stage,

You’ve gone from powerful player

To faint footnote on the page,

Remembered without affection,

A man whose heart was cold;

Whose brain was made of bubblegum

But whose finger was made of gold.